Samantha and Darrin, both in their mid-60s, met later in life. Darrin is a commercial realtor with type 1 diabetes and Samantha is a nurse working at a local hospital. She had overcome cancer and a recent hysterectomy when they began dating. They both live in Butte, Montana.
"He told me he was diabetic right off the bat and basically gave me the choice of remaining friends or having a relationship the first day we met," Samantha said. "Because I'm a medical professional, I knew what that meant. But the actual erectile dysfunction, now that was a challenge; I just couldn't wrap my head around it."
How diabetes affects erectile function
Diabetes remains a significant health threat in the United States, with more than 37 million Americans suffering from the disease, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). It's estimated that another 96 million people ages 18 and over are prediabetic.
While it's rarely discussed during diagnosis, a common side effect of diabetes is erectile dysfunction (ED). ED is defined as the inability to get an erection and maintain it. Diabetes interacts with erectile function in two ways: improper blood flow and nerve damage.
"This was six years ago, and Darrin being diabetic and having ED has been really frustrating for both of us. Especially in a new relationship, that was tough," Samantha explained.
She'd gone through some recent surgeries at the time herself, she added, having cancer and a hysterectomy, which led to her body being ultrasensitive.
"Let's just say the combination of his erectile dysfunction and my need for gentleness didn't always go well together," she said.
She'd gone through some recent surgeries at the time herself, she added, having cancer and a hysterectomy, which led to her body being ultrasensitive.
"Let's just say the combination of his erectile dysfunction and my need for gentleness didn't always go well together," she said.
“I wanted to have sex!”
"At the time, I was very receptive to having sex again," Samantha said. "It had been almost nine years since I'd been in any kind of physically intimate relationship. And I was very ready."
That's when the frustration set in.
"I would just weep," she said. "I felt rejected, and he was frustrated, too, but he had that classic defeatist male philosophy. You know, 'If I can't get it up and can't have an orgasm, then I can't have sex.'"
Both were aware they weren't young folks anymore, and Samantha began to take Darrin's apathy personally.
"It became heartbreaking, frankly," she confessed. "So, five years ago, I told Darrin to go talk to his doctor. Yeah, I was pretty persistent. I told him I needed this."
Expectations weren’t high, but there was hope. Darrin visited his physician regularly for his diabetes, and once he got his blood sugars under control, he was able to get erections—but he hit another snag. He still couldn't maintain them.
"His doctors never asked him about his ED, and he never volunteered the issue," Samantha said. "Of course, he only had 10 minutes, and there were a host of serious issues he had to go over first. Erectile dysfunction sank to the bottom of the list.”
"Now,” Samatha continued, “The problem was that if he did get an erection, he couldn't maintain it. As soon as he got hard, everything had to happen so fast that while he's getting off, I got left in the dust."
So, with a new goal to satisfy Samantha's needs and their shared frustration, Darrin headed back to the doctor's office. He returned with a prescription for [Viagra] and [Cialis].
Neither worked.
As far as Samantha was concerned, it all seemed to be a lot of waiting around for nothing to happen.
"We did go to a sex shop and got one of those hand pumps, and Darrin's penis would swell up into this monster but immediately shrink when he took it off," she said. "We also considered penile injections. Honestly, though, I never got past thinking about the needle and that I'd be the one doing the injecting."
Erectile dysfunction became the elephant in the room. The couple were at the point where any possibility of sexuality between them was slipping away, and they might end up just being good roommates.
Samantha was convinced those were Darrin’s thoughts. But she refused to let it go.
Treating ED from diabetes: Along came Eddie®
"I started researching, and when I found the Eddy website, it just sort of made sense," Samantha recalled. "The anatomy and physiology seemed a little fantastic, and the clinical trials kind of clinched the deal. I started to think, 'This could actually work.'"
The first step was to decide how to measure Darrin's penis so their purchase would fit his size and ED frequency.
"I think we had some wine that night," she admitted. "I mean, it was a playful process. I got the measurement, placed the order, and I got the right size the first time."
As Samantha remembers it, Darrin laughed it off.
"I was this one-woman band trying to find something that would work," she said. "It took me a month to decide to buy it, and then it sat around for a week before we used it."
One night he just said, "Hey, let's try our new friend." And from that moment, they were off.
"I remember the first time we tried the Eddie," Samantha said. "It was like Christmas. It was immediate. We had this childlike exuberance. It was fun for the first time without all the usual 'let's hurry up with it and get it done.' We were able to play and enjoy each other without fear that Darrin's erection would disappear."
There was an issue for the first few times they used the Eddie. Samantha explained that Darrin's erection was so hard they wondered if the device was too tight. But after working with it a little bit, the band loosened up and everything was good.
"It was just an instant hit and a huge step psychologically for Darrin," she said. "Eddie brought back Darrin's confidence, and it was miraculous for me that I could, at last, participate with him sexually and get to the point of orgasm—which I had been unable to do for the previous five years of our relationship. We were able to play and enjoy each other physically in a way that we had never been able to do before."