Sexual frustration is a normal part of married life. The reality is, even if you’ve found the love of your life, there will be highs and lows when it comes to a shared sex life with your partner. Here are some tips to ease the frustration, spice up your sex life, and turn married sex into really good sex.
Communication is Key
If you’ve been in a long-term relationship for a number of years, you’ve probably noticed that your sexual libido doesn’t always perfectly align with your partner’s. It could be that you’re feeling excited more often than your partner, or vice versa. Regardless of where the mismatch is happening, it’s important that you establish a steady flow of communication regarding your collective and individual sexual needs and desires.
While it may seem a little silly to think you need to talk more with someone you’ve been with for years, emotional intimacy can lead to better intimacy in the bedroom. Being able to have open conversations about how you’re feeling sexually and listening to your partner’s sexual needs outside of the heat of the moment can help dissolve the tension surrounding sex. If you feel like married sex is becoming dull or not ticking your boxes, make time outside of your sex life to have open and honest conversations with your spouse or partner.
Establishing a flow of communication can help get good sex going again.
Surprise Your Partner
Sometimes, all it takes to break a lull in your sex life is to change the routine surrounding married sex. Do you find you and your partner are stuck in a rut when it comes to the time of day and location where you typically have sex? Or maybe you’re locked into one sex position that has worked historically for the both of you? While married sex gives you the advantage of knowing what turns you and your partner on in general, there is something exciting in the element of surprise that may be enough to put you both over a sexual slump.
A surprise doesn’t need to be massive and can even be quite subtle. There are plenty of ways to change up a routine without getting too crazy:
- Try initiating sex at a completely different time of day someplace in your house that you’ve never tried before, or book a room at a hotel.
- Shopping for lingerie together or separately can add a new level of anticipation and delight to your sex life.
- Mix it up when it comes to your sex positions: you and your partner don’t need to be acrobats to try out something new or a variation of an old favorite.
Novelty can be a great catalyst when it comes to getting out of sexual frustration.
Add Some Spice
Along the same lines as adding an element of surprise into your sex life, introducing toys or exploring different fantasies in the bedroom can be another way to reinvigorate married sex. Is there a fantasy that you know your partner wants to try? Or do they have trouble getting in the mood? Toys and sexual fantasies are far more common than you may think and allow you to approach sex in a different way than you may have before and can take good sex and make it great.
If you’ve used toys together in the past, go shopping in person or online for new ones. You probably have a good grasp on what your partner likes and what gets them going, so buy them a toy that you think they may enjoy without asking them first. Then, you can try this new toy out together and see if it helps break the sexual slump and ease the frustration.
Married sex doesn’t have to mean boring sex. While you may hit dry spells in your sex life, there are always ways to increase your physical intimacy, change your sex routine, or find new ways to get your partner going. For a lot of couples, a good place to start is by seeing a sex therapist or counselor together.
Don’t lose hope–getting back into a good rhythm with your partner could be a lot easier than you think.